the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
soo... how was my night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
