We're facebook friends in real life
My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
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