Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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