i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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