You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
