Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
