i just wanna soil my oats bro
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
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