i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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