Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
