i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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