We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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