I'm so fucking centered right now
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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