officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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