well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
