tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize