Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
