Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
