ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
