don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize