Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Vodka?
Forever.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ate ashes out of my bong
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
