Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
