Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
handjob tips. give me some.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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