I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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