My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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