don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
