I'll bet she douches with gravy.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize