16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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