I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
