Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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