Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
True strength comes from lack of pants
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
