if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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