Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just invented taco cereal.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
