You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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