Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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