An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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