Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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