I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
