I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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