Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
