I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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