Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
