We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
