Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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