you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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