I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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