can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
