I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
