her facebook's as public as her vagina
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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