We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
