I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
