Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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