Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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