my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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