i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
