I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
