i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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