i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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