i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
