Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I see more hoeing in ur future
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
