My balls are so social today.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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