from now on my penis is your penis
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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