help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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