She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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