im drinking this country out of the recession.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
