When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
