Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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