you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Randomize
