idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
