i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
