Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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