Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
