It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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