Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
