now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
