when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
