Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
