I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I look better un-naked...
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
