Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
