the condom got lost in my hair
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
