it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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