I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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