she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
