Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
And then he peed in my hair
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize