Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
