I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
