thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
