oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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