Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
