those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
