If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
