Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
