it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
