God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
