I think I am morally bankrupt
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
