i think my mom watched the whole time
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
