apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
