Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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