i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
