Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
