i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
