I wanna passion pit in your ass
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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