Fuck appropriateness.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
