that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
