my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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