Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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