He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
