I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
