was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize